Definitive, like all simple things - Carlos Drumond de Andrade
Our pain is not caused by the things we lived, but by the things we dreamed but didn't come true.
Why do we suffer so much for love?
The right thing to do would be not to suffer, but only be grateful for having met such a good person who generated such an intense feeling and kept us company for a reasonable amount of time, a happy time.
Why do we suffer?
Because we automatically forget the things we enjoyed, and we start suffering because of our unrealized projections, for all the cities we wish we had visited with our love but we didn't, for the children we wish we had had but we didn't, for all the concerts, books and silence we wish we had shared, but we didn't. For all the cancelled kisses for eternity.
We don't suffer because our work is exhausting and pays too little, but because of all the free time we didn't have to go to the cinema, to chat with a friend, to swim, to spend with our love.
We don't suffer because our mother is impatient with us, but because of all the moments when we could have shared our deepest concerns with her if only she had been interested in understanding us.
We don't suffer because our team lost, but because of the suppressed joy.
We don't suffer because we're getting old, but because the future is being taken away from us, stopping our thousands of adventures from happening, all those adventures we dreamed of but never really experienced.
How can we relieve the pain of not having lived something?
The answer is as simple as a verse:
By having less illusions and living fuller
The more I live, the more I understand that the real waste of life happens when we keep our love for ourselves, when we don't use our force, when we don't risk anything because of our selfish prudence. It's by avoiding suffering that we lose our happiness.
"Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional."